Marriage Tips

 1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage,
 good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Delhi. and mine is
in Bangalore.
 3. I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps finding her way
 back.
 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
 "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I
suggested the kitchen.
 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
 bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no
place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there
 was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told
 me "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the
 mud fell off.
 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the
 garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
 "Always"s.
 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to
interrupt her.
 13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's
 on the TV?" I said "Dust!"